I Really Feel Like Giving Up

I would really like to have friends that I could talk to when I'm completely freaking out.

I reach out but everybody is caught up in their own stuff. I guess I can't blame them, but I'm allowed to feel hurt that nobody gives a shit.

Valentines Day

On Monday, the 13th, I went to have my weekly needle poke and switch up with the ol' doc-a-roo. I'm having a Lupus flare, you can tell from the amount of pain I've been in constantly, and the massive rash on my face. I have these tiny inflamed bumps on my cheeks, nose and chin. It gets really itchy sometimes, and makes my face really flushed. A famous record producer just died from Lupus.

Anyway, the doctor told me that he is going to start focusing his attention more on the Lupus, rather than the RA, since it's clear I'm having a flare. I'm also starting a new medication called Plaquenil that is widely used for Malaria, but also RA and Lupus. So, hopefully things will start to look up. It is't supposed to even start working for at least a month though. At least one more month of feeling like shit and taking it easy. My joints have been hurting so bad I haven't really been able to crochet or play video games much.

On Valentines Day, Sean got up and went to work, and I stayed in bed because the side effects from the steroids were really bothering me. Then he showed up with an awesome snack grab bag: 2 hours later with a rose, a Mountain Dew, a Pepsi, a bag of Kettle chips, Tootsie Pops and a Milkyway Midnight. Then we just laid around watching Mr. Show. It was awesome.

Kids Are Dicks

I slept for most of the day, and I finally dragged myself out of bed to go up to Sean's so I could see the place he just moved in to. I am exhausted from the new medication they put me on: MMF (Cellcept), an immuno-suppressant, which means I can get sick really easily and it would be very difficult to get over, if I did get over it. Basically, I have to wear a bacteria mask when I get on the bus from now on, because people are so damn germy and I can't risk getting sick. It's either that or stay locked up in my dark basement.

Yesterday was the first time I had to wear it. Nobody on the bus even looked at me twice, but when we got to a red light a van full of teen girls pulled up and started gesturing, laughing and pointing.