Paper Beads

basically just cutting long triangular strips of magazine paper. And my back and shoulder started hurting about 5 to 10 minutes later. I kept pushing, but the pain got so bad, I had to stop. I live a boring life. Doing stuff hurts, so I don't do much stuff.

Sean's grandfather died so we are driving across the state with his parents for the funeral. It's goign to be difficult going on a trip with how I've been feeling. I have motion sickness, and it's uncomfortable to sit in one place for a long period of time.

I'm so tired. I took all my medications at like 2 am, then went right to bed. Big mistake. I woke up 4 or 5 hours later feeling nauseas. Thankfully, I made it to the toiler on time, but man, did it taste bad. Just like delicious pills. Yech.

At this very moment, I'm feeling very tired and my joints are achey. Mostlymy knees and shoulders and fingers and arms and head. So.. Only like 75% of me hurts right now. The other 25% is probably just too tired to give a damn.

I want to help

Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel like writing about what goes on in my head. body and attempting to get on disability. Could really help some other people who are going through something similar. Just to let them know I've been there. I am there. So far I see no way out but I chug chug along. Is it conceited to feel like you could make a difference? I think - who cares? Then I realize that there are plenty of people who would benefit from learning of my struggles. Friends and family members of a young adult battling any kind of serious illness could benefit from reading my entries. See how someone with Fibromyalgia and Lupus.. How their brain works.

I wish I could figure out something to do. I just don't feel good.