Just came to a realization...

It's definitely random and definitely depressing, but it's my blog.

My mom and dad were teenagers when I was born. They broke up a year later. He was a severe alcoholic who drifted in and out of our lives for most of my childhood. My memories of him are mixed. Some are good, but most are of him being drunk, or going through the DTs. But other than being exposed to that, which is a bit damaging, we had a decent dysfunctional relationship (if that makes any kind of sense.)

He was diagnosed Bi Polar in 2004 while he was living across the state. This was the same year that I became extremely ill and also my high school graduation. I hadn't seen him for a couple years, and he was coming to Spokane and wanted to stop by and see me before he left town. I waited all day long for him to call and let me know he was on his way. That evening, my mom arrived home from work at about 6pm. There was a note on the door from my dad saying he stopped by and nobody answered, so he was heading out of town. I didn't hear him knocking, because my room was in the basement. When I read the letter I immediately sank to the floor and started sobbing. Somehow I knew it was going to be my last chance to see him.

He committed suicide a month or so later. Not because of this incident, but because he couldn't handle the disease and addictions that had made his life so miserable.

My realization is that I always carry my phone with me. I feel a sense of regret and guilt if I miss a phone call or miss someone knocking on the door. It's less so with the phone and more with the door. Even though I know I won't miss the door being knocked on because of Stamps, I sit and listen for it and worry about missing it until someone arrives.

Some reassurance.

Sean and I met with a lawyer today. She's going to represent me for my hearing before a judge for SSI. But it could end up taking ten to twelve months to get my hearing date. My medical records will be retrieved and paid for by my lawyer, and she'll charge me later. It was a pretty brutal day to eb relying on the bus system, but Sean was there to help!

My blood pressure is high.

I actually haven't taken my blood pressure, but it feels high, I tell ya.

While in grade school and high school, I was never faced with sexism. But, as an adult, I notice the way men treat each other and how they sometimes treat me different. My opinions (if and when they're ever heard, and not talked over.) are usually scrutinized more, simply because it's coming from me. It's pretty disrespectful and disappointing, especially when it is coming from someone you are close friends with.

NYT: Is Fibromyalgia Real?

In this article by the New York Times, the new medication approved for Fibromyalgia treatment, Lyrica, is discussed. As well as discussing whether or not the disease actually exists.

Since I was prescribed Lyrica about two weeks ago, I wanted to respond to the article. And what better place to do so than on my blog?

First to address the questioning of Fibromyalgia's existence. There are still many people, including doctors, who don't believe it is a real condition. Which means (at least to myself) that these doctors think of it as 'lazy woman syndrome'. Fibromyalgia, and even Lupus, have been stigmatized as that for a lot of years. Even now, when there is more scientific research related to each illness, people deny it. And the only reason why, it seems, is because they can't figure out how to treat us. Why should we be branded liars, because you can't find the answers?

I need to state that I have not been paid by drug companies, as some nuts pushing herbal Fibro "cures" may imply. Since I started taking Lyrica - I've felt fantastic. Better than I've felt in five years. I have been sleeping better. I've been going on walks. I've been more motivated and energetic. I still need the pain medication but not nearly as much. I've cut down half from what I was taking before. I've been in a better mood. This medication has been a lifesaver so far. I have a little bit of hope. As for the side effect of weight gain - it's a good thing in my case. I've lost over 30 pounds in the last year due to lack of appetite. I was swallowing food whole with a drink of water for awhile, just to get some sugar in my blood. The Lupus is still very debilitating as I have extreme photosensitivity. Photosensitivity is a side effect of Lyrica, as well, so I'm getting hit hard when I go outside or to the store.

Basically, if you have Fibro, I suggest giving it a try and seeing if it's for you. Don't listen to the nuts.

Treating Fibroymalgia with Marijuana

This website says that Fibromyalgia patients may benefit from use of Marijuana due to it's analgesic and anti-inflammatory properties.

"As far as Fibromyalgia is concerned, no specific clinical data exists on cannabis' ability to combat the symptoms of the condition. However, some patients report anecdotally that the drug benefits them. In Iowa, USA, a court judge has allowed a Fibromyalgia patient to use cannabis while on probation to effectively treat his chronic pain.

It does seem likely that cannabis alleviates some symptoms of Fibromyalgia. Cannabis' potential as an analgesic and anti-inflammatory have been documented by the Institute of Medicine, National Institute of Health, and others.

Additionally, cannabis has a long history as a sleep-inducing drug. One study of fifteen insomniac patients reported that over a five-week period "sleep quality was significantly influenced by 160 mg of cannabidiol (a non-psychoactive cannabinoid) as two-thirds of the subjects slept more than seven hours and … most subjects had few interruptions of sleep." An Italian research team reported that subjects who had inhaled cannabis within the last half-hour had significantly higher melatonin levels than those who abstained. Melatonin, a hormone produced by the pineal gland, is widely used to treat insomnia."

This website has a question and answer type setup. Someone asks "Is Marijuana ever prescribe for Fibromyalgia?" and a variety of people from around the world respond with their own experiences.